Moose Lake Star Gazette - Serving Carlton and Pine Counties Since 1895

By Wick Fischer
Moose Lake Star-Gazette 

Where's my wallet?

Wick's World


April 5, 2018

We’ve all done it! The sinking feeling in the gut happens before you even realize it. It’s a silent scream.

“Where’s my wallet?!”

I lead with my left. My right arm follows. Hands and elbows are flying like some kind of Cirque de sol act on steroids.However unlikely, we always hope that the wallet (ladies, substitute purse) is right by our side, safe and sound. It never is.

God never makes it that easy. When he takes your wallet, it’s always for a reason they say. It’s as if it’s Wallet Safety Day and God’s testing you. That’s a good one. Some people think that every time they are challenged by something in life, no matter how trivial, it’s a kind of test God has created for them.Today, for Wick Fisher, Wallet Safety Day has arrived. This is the hundredth time I have lost my wallet. I found it the first 99.

God hasn’t had much extra time on his hands as of late. He’s got a president of the greatest nation on earth who is testing him constantly. He still hasn’t figured out how that happened.

“I’m supposed to be the one giving out the tests,” God quietly says to himself. Except when God speaks, it reverberates throughout the universe and everyone hears. “Best I keep quiet,” he reflects as only God can.

“Good Lord," says God. “I’ve got my hands full with North Korea testing nukes and with the U.S. Census right around the corner, I’ll be testing millions of immigrants to see if I can catch a couple of them cheating. I’ll have to tell Wick to find his own wallet.”

Meanwhile, back at the Target parking lot in St. Paul, Minnesota, to no avail, Wick is still rummaging through his car.

“I know I had it when I came out of the store.” How many times have I said that?

My wallet has officially been missing for 23 days now. My new driver’s license is safely in my new wallet. It leads the pack of other plastic cards that are all brand new replacements. There’s my car insurance, my medical cards, a library card, Sam’ s Club and Costco cards, a Visa, an American Express and my card to the Lifetime Fitness Center. I have already replaced the last one for the third time. I’m so refreshed after a workout that I don’t bother to pull the card from its slot in the locker. I figure over a lifetime of getting fit, I’ll have used up somewhere between 150 to 200 cards. I wonder if God has this one on his test.

It’s still Day 23, and I am on my journey home from Costco. I hear a clunk coming from somewhere underneath my car. The road has a light frost to it, not yet thick enough to build up any chunks of ice. Besides, the clunk wasn’t that loud and besides, ain’t it supposed to be spring? I’m in the same car that I lost my wallet. The same car I never even exited while I was sitting in that Target parking lot. As I arrive home, the thought of losing my wallet is still locked in my head as I unload the trunk. I realize I got carried away using my shiny new card today. The amount of groceries reflects this.

Fruit and vegetables are overflowing in the back seat. A non-alcohol case of beer I purchased on my shiny new platinum Visa card is pinched between the front and rear seats. As the last load is ready to head inside, I look down at the not quite empty floorboard wondering why my wallet is lying there. I reach for my back pocket and wonder why my wallet is also there. I lost my wallet a 100 before. I found it a 100 times.


Reader Comments

wiggy writes:

Ha, that was one of the best. I can relate to this, only it is my cell phone, they are always in the last place you look. Keep them coming Wick, you know I will always read your articles.


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