By Wick Fisher
Moose Lake Star-Gazette 

The future showed its face

Wick's World


February 15, 2018

The future showed its face last Saturday at 10 a.m. in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Over a year ago, my wife and I gave a thousand bucks to an entrepreneurial genius with the strange name of Elon Musk. In return, he promised us a glimpse of the future, well, sometime in the future, which, as I had just told you in the recent past, was last Saturday.

We walked into the Tesla dealership for our 10 a.m. appointment as punctually as we will ever get. The clock said 10:03 a.m., which meant we had already missed the future by three minutes. Once we had passed the past, introductions were made. Our salesman was a tall, bright young man who personified the sleek look of the car he was about to show us. This is what our thousand bucks bought us. We not only had a chance to look at our car of the future, but we also each got a free test drive. The thousand bucks would later get applied to our actual car of the future sometime in the future. Our Tesla had been delayed to a year from now. We both knew this was the car for us because it was also chronically late.

If we wanted to upgrade from our Tesla 3 to the Tesla S, it was available not exactly today, but very soon in the future. We could have our black, shiny brand new Tesla S almost right away for only three times the amount we would pay for our Tesla 3 ... in a year from now. Notice, not only did the price change, the model went from a number to a letter in the alphabet. I started to think “bait and switch,” but I quickly sent that thought to the past.

If we didn’t like the color black, for an extra five grand, our color options increased to red, white, blue and silver. Speaking about red, white, blue and silver, toss in a gold and bronze and we are standing at the Winter Olympics. At least most of us were standing. There always has to be one idiot throwing a wrench into a patriotic moment. Again we had a very public figure that refused to stand for a flag and an anthem. Maybe it was because the song wasn’t actually an anthem, but a popular song sung by a pop singer that everyone liked — except for the guy who refused to stand. Maybe it was because it wasn’t a real flag yet. It had just been put together (like the most recent Tesla) for the ceremony. The flag was a white piece of cloth meant to resemble waving a white flag as a sign of peace. On the white cloth was a picture of the country of Korea.

This time there was no line dividing North Korea and South Korea. All Korean Olympic participants entered the Olympics side by side. For one small moment, real peace broke out just as the crowd broke out in astonishing applause — except for the one guy who refused to stand for the flag and the anthem. In case you’re interested, that man was not named Colin Kaepernick. He was named Michael Pence, the Vice President of the United States.

As for our Tesla, we are still getting our car of the future even though they are misnamed because they have been in production since 2012.

When we asked, “How do you start it?” the salesman replied, “Get in the car.”

When we asked, “How do you shut it off?” the salesman replied, “Get out of the car.”

In between, the salesman asked us to parallel park the car in a tight spot in the parking lot. My wife took on the "deer in the headlight" look. Then the salesman touched a button and the car parallel parked itself in a tight spot in the parking lot. I looked at the clock, which read 11:11 a.m. — the perfect time to get a Tesla ... except it wasn’t yet ready.


Reader Comments

Wiggy writes:

A big pat on the back Wick. I didn’t notice the fact that Pence didn’t stand when everyone else did. Like he walked out of the NFL game because players didn’t stand.


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