Moose Lake Star Gazette - Serving Carlton and Pine Counties Since 1895

By Wick Fisher
Moose Lake Star Gazette 

My 'similarities' with Teddy

Wick's World


My favorite Republican? It's a tie between Honest Abe Lincoln and The Bull Moose, Teddy Roosevelt. After pondering the situation, I gave the nod to Teddy. My hometown has a moose in it, Moose Lake. Actually, I discovered I had much more in common with Teddy than I did with Abe, although I, too, once grew a beard. I can relate to one of Teddy's more famous quotes,"Speak softly and carry a big stick." In reality, a boisterous Teddy never spoke softly about anything.

Although Teddy seemed to be a large man, he stood only 5-feet, 8-inches, while I topped out at 5-feet, 7-inches before a skydiving accident and a car rollover shrunk me to my current 5-feet, 5-inches.

Teddy had a photographic memory, while I have a memory stick in my camera.

Teddy wore a deputy sheriff's badge in the western Badlands, while I once spent an overnight in the same Badlands compliments of an unhappy deputy sheriff.

Teddy served as a New York City police commissioner, while I once served time for a New York City police officer.

Teddy charged up San Juan Hill and killed a Spaniard with his bare hands. I lived in San Juan, Texas, in 1975 where I pumped gas for Spaniards with my bare hands.

As president, Teddy fought most of his battles against "big business" and set a precedent for governmental regulation. When I get elected president, I vow to fight those same battles. Are you sure Teddy was a Republican?

Teddy once won the Nobel Peace Prize. In 1957, as a 10-year-old, I won a year's worth of oil changes at Turkey Bingo.

Teddy was a lover of animals who took great pleasure in blowing them to smithereens (nice animal). I am a lover of animals who takes great pleasure in blowing up their photos.

Teddy liked to live the "strenuous life," as he called it. While in the White House he often played up to 90 tennis games a day. I, too, loved the "strenuous life" as a youth when I would often throw a tennis ball against our garage up to 90 times a day.

Teddy often consumed a dozen eggs for breakfast, which contributed to the arteriosclerosis that most likely killed him. I would probably eat a dozen eggs a day if I wasn't worried about arteriosclerosis killing me.

Teddy was the first president to ride in a car, fly in an airplane and travel outside the U.S. (Panama) while in office. I was the first in our family to wreck a car, jump out of an airplane and travel to Panama.

Teddy incredibly boxed the current heavyweight champion of the world, John Sullivan, in the White House. He received a blow that blinded his left eye. He kept the blindness a secret for years. I boxed one time, got smacked in the eye and took it as a personal insult. Although I am partially blind in my right eye, I, too, have kept it pretty much a secret (no particular reason) for the past 42 years and it wasn't from the boxing.

When I get to the Pearly Gates, Teddy, can you have a 12-egg passenger pigeon omelette waiting for me?


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