Meet Bigfoot of Moose Lake
Bigfoot of Moose Lake contemplates how to answer a question during his first-ever interview.
Several sightings of a Bigfoot-like creature have been reported by Moose Lake area residents and many crazy stories have developed from those reports. We were able to contact this creature and in hopes of "setting the record straight," we talked with Bigfoot himself and will hopefully put some of those rumors to rest. The Star Gazette sat down with the infamous Bigfoot of Moose Lake and asked him some questions that people all over have been curious about.
Gazette reporter: First, is it offensive when people call you Bigfoot? Or would you rather be called Sasquatch?
Bigfoot: I go by either one, but I prefer Bigfoot. Many humans aren’t very educated and find it difficult to spell Sasquatch. My distant cousins in the Himalayas go by the name of Yeti.
Gazette reporter: How long have you lived in Moose Lake?
Bigfoot: I have been in the Moose Lake area since about 1978. During that time, I have journeyed to many places, I actually still do travel. People have been reported to see me in places like Oregon and even Connecticut. But one of my favorite vacation spots is Arkansas.
Gazette reporter: Where do you live?
Bigfoot: I can’t give you the specifics of where I live because, evidently, there are a lot of people looking for me. I get a grunt out of shows like, “In Search of Bigfoot” or “Finding Bigfoot.” I’m mostly just hanging around the Kettle River.
Gazette reporter: Where or what do you like to eat?
Bigfoot: I love all sorts of food, but normally eat whatever I can find in the woods. Ever since the restaurants have come up with the whole “No shirt, no shoes, no service” thing, my options have been limited. The last restaurant I visited was not good. There was a hair in my soup. It kind of grossed me out.
As a matter of fact, Subway told me that I’m no longer welcome. I ordered a foot-long sandwich and placed it by my foot ... I argued that a foot-long sub should be nearly the size of my foot and they escorted me out.
Gazette reporter: Some people have called you a curious creature? What are some things you are curious about?
Bigfoot: We are extremely curious creatures and like to observe many things about humans, just as they do with us. Just the other day I was wondering why it is that human men lose their hair as they get older and I just keep growing more and more of it.
Gazette reporter: Is it true that you like to harass campers out at the state park?
Bigfoot: Harassing campers is a favorite Bigfoot pastime. We typically like to make some loud grunting noises in the woods, plant some fur on the bark of trees, and make sure we leave a good footprint or two. If I can get them to pack up and leave their campsite, my work has been done.
Gazette reporter: On Animal Planet, they said you need to come out and show your “big, smelly face.” is this offensive to you? And what is your response to the pungent odor that so many have described.
Bigfoot: It takes a lot to offend a Bigfoot. It’s pretty funny that humans think we are ugly. We’re not the ones running around with clothes on. My response to the reports of an odor is that sometimes all I can find to bathe in is pond water.
Gazette reporter: It’s been rumored that you like the ladies. Is there s special lady in your life right now?
Bigfoot: Yes, I do like the ladies. And I have a special lady in my life right now. She has the hairiest legs in the northland. You can’t ask for more than that!
Gazette reporter: There have been rumors of a baby Bigfoot? Does a baby Bigfoot exist?
Bigfoot: Yes, I actually have two kids. I recently had the father/child talk and shared with my son how the stork brings human babies into the world and a much larger crane brought him into the world. My daughter is starting to show some interest in sports, so we started calling her Athletesfoot.
Gazette reporter: Some men were out at their deer camp and reported hearing a horrifying scream. Do you sometimes scream around deer camps?
Bigfoot: I use a lot of caution around deer camps. I’ve had lots of fun scaring the hunters over the years but have found that they sometimes will shoot blindly at any noise they hear. It is more of a challenge to scare the hunter. But there is nothing like seeing a big, strong, guy named Larry sprinting from his outhouse back to the hunting shack after I let out a big grunt.
Bigfoot of Moose Lake can sometimes be spotted on Facebook as well.